


Solve the Riddle

by bluelemur



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blow Jobs, Can we give ourselves a slow clap for getting through this time period please, Canon Compliant, Declarations Of Love, Hand Jobs, Louis pretending he's 5'9", M/M, Masturbation, OTRA tour, Oh and there's a mention of the Naughty Boy fight, and the boys aren't happy about it, louis is clueless, until he isn't, zayn leaves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 05:15:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4007275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluelemur/pseuds/bluelemur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you think you’re over her?” Harry interrupts.</p><p>Louis and Niall both turn to him in surprise. Harry’s flushed red, but his gaze is locked on Louis.</p><p>Louis shrugs after a moment. “Not sure,” he says honestly.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>It’s the second time Harry’s asked him, but he looks so intense now that Louis doesn’t think he can dismiss the question.</p><p>“We just…” Louis trails off and rubs his hand down his thigh, thinking. “It was never going to work,” he says at last.</p><p>Harry’s face is hard to read. “Really,” he says.</p><p>Or, the one where Louis pieces it together. Set during the Months from Hell (a.k.a. February 2015 - May 2015) for the fandom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solve the Riddle

March 7, 2015 – the day Eleanor ends it between them – Louis wakes up with this weirdly intense feeling of overall harmony. He smiles as he’s brushing his teeth, and he smiles as he’s putting on his shoes. He even tweets "Gonna be a good day :)", because even though he and Eleanor haven’t spoken for weeks, and even though his internal clock is still a bit fucked over from Japan’s time zone, Louis just feels really, really good, like something great is about to happen. 

///

The Valentine’s Day weekend they spend together is pretty miserable. Eleanor is on her phone most of the time, Snapchatting pictures of their hotel room rather than the two of them, and Louis is having difficulty focusing, his mind running through the group’s set list on a nonstop loop. One Direction just started their 2015 tour, and Louis should be excited to be back, but he can’t escape the memory of a tweet he’d read the other day, from some shit-for-brains loser: _y the fuk do they even keep Louis in the band he cant sing and hes annoying as hell __._

It isn’t the worst tweet he’s ever had, not by a long shot, but it sticks with him. Possibly because it’s a perfect expression of the words that whisper through his mind at night.

They venture out to the beach for a bit, but Eleanor just alternates between checking her phone and shooting Louis disapproving looks when he takes drags of his cigarette. After they come back to the hotel, Louis is so desperate to get away that he drags Liam out clubbing with him. The alcohol helps numb his problems, briefly, but then comes the fan video, a.k.a. The Worst Hangover Ever.

He obviously _didn’t_ say “I’m gay, it’s pretty unfortunate”, but it doesn’t matter to most of the Larry shippers, and when he shows it to Eleanor – since she’ll find out anyway, and maybe this way they can laugh at it – she just sighs and reaches for her suitcase.

“El?” Louis asks uncertainly, hovering behind her as she begins packing her things.

“I need time, Lou,” Eleanor says. She sounds so, so tired. “Have you seen my hairbrush?”

“Time?”

“Hairbrush.”

“Time for what?” Louis says doggedly.

“Time away,” Eleanor says, a little snappishly.

“Away from what?”

“Louis, can you just help me look for my fucking hairbrush?”

Louis helps her look for her fucking hairbrush.

 

On March 7, after total radio silence for three weeks, Eleanor calls him. Louis stares at her picture ID for a couple of seconds before glancing behind him. The boys are all going through their choreography with Paul, not that there’s much to go through. He catches Paul’s eye and points at his phone, and Paul waves him off hurriedly before going back to explaining the opening sequence to Niall, who looks too distracted by the buffet table nearby to be paying much attention. Louis ducks away to a corner and presses the green phone. “Hey! Hi. Hey.” He coughs and takes a deep breath, trying to slow down his heart rate. “Hi,” he says, a little more neutrally.

“Hey, Lou,” Eleanor says. Her voice sounds a bit weird and scratchy.

“Hey,” Louis says again, trying his best to pretend that this is a normal conversation with his girlfriend who totally hasn’t been ignoring him. “What’s up?”

“Look, Louis, I just, I don’t,” and Louis’ chest tightens and he wants to hang up now because he knows, he fucking knows what’s coming next, “I’ve been thinking, and I know how shit it is to do this over the phone, I really do, but I don’t know when I’ll see you next anyway, because you’re _never ___around, and I just. I just can’t deal with this. I can’t deal with, you know, with everyone knowing my name, and I can’t deal with having to have security with us whenever we go out, and I can’t deal with the fucking _comments ___on my Instagram, and you’re never, ever here. It’s too much. It’s always been too much, and it doesn’t feel like it’s worth it anymore.” Her voice breaks at the end.

Louis can picture her in his mind perfectly, though it’s hard to concentrate over the roaring in his ears. She’s so beautiful, even when she cries. He swallows around the giant fucking lump in his throat. “I know, El,” he says softly, and if he starts to cry a little too, no one has to know.

 

Louis begs off the rest of rehearsal and goes to sit alone in the bus, ignoring Liam’s concerned-puppy-dog looks. He burrows underneath his covers, hits ‘repeat’ on his The Fray playlist, and stares blankly at the wall until his eyes slide shut.

 

When he wakes up, it’s to Liam’s face hovering over him. Louis groans and turns around. “Go away.”

“Louis, I know,” Liam says quietly. “Eleanor called Soph.”

There’s a beat of silence, where the two of them just breathe. “Do you want to talk about it?” Liam asks tentatively.

Louis shoves his face into his pillow. “No,” comes out muffled.

“Okay,” Liam says. “Do you want me to leave?”

Louis is quiet for a moment. “No.”

“Okay,” Liam says, and they stay like that for a little while.

 

Louis emerges with Liam a couple hours later, looking like death on legs. The rest of the boys – except for Harry, who’s apparently off with Lou or something – are waiting for them in a conference room in the hotel, since they have a meeting. “You all right, mate?” Niall asks when he sees him.

“Lou?" Zayn says carefully. These days, Zayn’s face tends to read one way – the I’m-about-five-hundred-percent-through-with-this-shit way – but even he seems concerned.

Liam’s grip tightens on Louis’ arm. Louis shrugs him off, shooting him an apologetic look. Support is great, but he’s not a weeping willow. “Me and El broke up,” he says. He will deny the wobble in his voice until the day he dies.

The next thing he feels is Niall and Zayn pressed up against him, Liam’s hand still strong on his back. Louis lets himself sag into it. He normally hates being shorter than everyone else, overcompensating for it with a large personality, but right now he really does feel small inside, and the warmth and security surrounding him is making it just a tiny bit better.

“Guys?” Harry’s deep voice comes from somewhere outside the cocoon, and they all break apart to see Harry standing across from them. He has on ripped jeans and one of those stupid low-cut shirts of his.

Louis feels his face go red. He’s not good at being vulnerable. “Hey, Harry,” he mutters.

“What’s going on?” Harry asks, raising his eyebrows.

There’s an awkward silence for a second. Louis isn’t exactly sure why it’s awkward, but it is. He clears his throat. “Eleanor broke up with me.”

Harry’s face goes from concerned to completely unreadable. He doesn’t say anything.

When the silence stretches on a bit too long, Louis awkwardly stuffs his hands in his pockets and goes to sit down in one of the chairs around the table. To his surprise, Harry, after a moment longer, sits down next to him. Liam, Zayn, and Niall all slowly take their seats, eyeing the two of them.

“What happened?” Harry asks, his voice so low and quiet that Louis knows the conversation is just for them. He’s still got that unreadable expression on his face.

Louis shrugs. “Dunno, really.” That’s a lie. He does know. It’s a coalition of things: the long distance, the paparazzi, the fans, the smoking, Christ. The gay rumors didn’t help, either, but Louis doesn’t want, or even know how, to tell Harry that.

Eleanor had generally been pretty good at ignoring the Larry shippers, but she wasn’t a robot; it was hard for her to accept that everyone seemed to think that her boyfriend was in love with another man, and it had driven a bit of a wedge between them.

That had only been part of the reason he’d started to distance himself from Harry. The other part had to do with Harry himself.

Because Harry, weirdly enough, had always been the most uncomfortable about Larry. He’d shut down in interviews when it was brought up, leaving Louis to do all the denying, and he wouldn’t laugh whenever any of the other boys joked about it. It was strange, considering Harry was so far from homophobic. He’d fucking kissed James Corden on the mouth, after all, and Nick Grimshaw is one of his best friends.

Thinking about Nick always leaves Louis with a bad taste in his mouth, because he can’t help but feel that once Louis put some space between him and Harry, Nick bounded right up and filled it. There are rumors about the two of them, too, but Harry doesn’t seem to mind those, laughing freely and kissing Nick on the cheek whenever anyone cracks a joke. It had left Louis feeling confused, and hurt, and he’d distanced himself even more. He still considers Harry a friend, but it isn’t what it was. They aren’t LouisandHarry anymore.

The thought makes Louis’ chest ache.

Harry’s lips move, and Louis blinks and shakes himself mentally. “Sorry?”

Harry won’t meet his eyes. “I said, she shouldn’t have broken up with you. She doesn’t know what she’s – ” He coughs. “It’s her mistake.”

Louis tips his head contemplatively. “I don’t know. I think it was pretty mutual,” he says, and once he says it, he realizes it’s true. He didn’t initiate it, maybe, but he knew where they were headed, on some level.

Harry’s head snaps up at that. “Yeah?” He says, almost hopefully.

Louis stares back at him, his heart thumping for some reason. “Yeah,” he says.

The door opens, and Harry and Louis both start a little. A few executives walk in the room. “Okay, guys, let’s make this quick,” one of them – Jack? Louis knows he’s seen him before – says, clapping his hands together. “Here’s how they want to market their product.”

As he goes on about One Direction’s new contract with Coca Cola, Louis flicks his gaze back to Harry. He’s not looking his way, but his eyes are bright, and he’s wearing the tiniest of smiles.

 

It gets easier after the first few days. Louis knows that ignoring pain makes it hurt that much more in the end, and, okay, sure, he and Eleanor were together for four years, but he’s been with these guys for four years too – five, really. They know how to make him feel all right again. 

He and Zayn get high and talk about all the crazy shit they want to do when the group is finally over, which Zayn seems really into, going off about how he wants to do his own thing with Perrie and be his own man. Niall stuffs him with food and football and laughter, until Louis’ sides hurt after he’s been with him for too long. Liam tries to get him to sweat it out in the gym, but when Louis tamps down that idea, Liam just takes him clubbing, and they get totally shit-faced and dance and pretend they don’t have concerts to give the next day.

And Harry, well, Harry mainly keeps his distance, but that’s to be expected. He seems almost wary of Louis, like he’s not sure how to act around him, which Louis can understand – it’s the way he acted when Louis distanced himself two years ago – but he finds himself missing Harry, really, properly missing him. He used to feel like Harry was the only person he could be completely honest with, and he still feels that way, even if there’s a lot unsaid between them.

So a couple weeks after the break up finds Louis knocking on Harry’s hotel room, even though it’s late and they’re all tired and Harry’s probably out with his posh, quirky friends, doing posh, quirky things.

He’s not, though, because there’s the sound of feet padding to the door, and then Harry opens it and blinks down at Louis. “Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” Louis says. He rocks back and forth on his feet and goes to put his hands in his pockets, then remembers his hands are full. “Uh, I brought some beer,” he says, lifting the pack he’s holding. “And, like, FIFA,” he adds. “I thought we could, you know. Hang out.”

There’s a beat of silence during which Louis hates himself for being so lame, until Harry says “Yeah, okay, Lou.” It’s only when Louis’ walked inside Harry’s room that he realizes that they’re really, proper hanging out for the first time in, like, two years.

It’s awkward at first. Louis isn’t sure what to say to Harry, not anymore. Harry doesn’t seem to know, either, so they just sip their beers and play FIFA in silence for a while. Surprisingly, Harry’s actually not total crap.

“Would’ve thought you’d be worse at this,” Louis says without thinking, twenty minutes or so into the game.

Harry hums, amused. “Yeah? Why?”

“You’re so shit at football in real life,” Louis says, knocking Harry’s shoulder with his own.

Harry blushes. He’d always been so easy to embarrass. Louis used to be obsessed with making Harry flush during the X-Factor days, teasing him relentlessly just to see that lovely color on his cheeks. “I’m not totally shit.”

“On a scale of skid marks to complete crap, mate –”

“You’re so fucking weird,” Harry says, but it comes out fond. He must realize that, because he furrows his brow and stops talking for a while.

When Louis scores for the second time, he pumps his fists in the air and turns to Harry. “You were saying?”

“I’m about to whip out some skills you’ve never seen before,” Harry says loftily.

“What, are you going to drop your pants to distract me?”

“Would that work?” Harry asks, turning to him with a glint in his eye. Louis stares at him for a second, something hot in his chest, before he bursts out laughing, a little manically. When he looks at Harry’s face again, his expression is hard to decipher.

They play three games in a row until Louis can’t take it anymore, standing up and stretching. “You want dinner or something? I haven’t eaten anything all day.”

“Yeah, sure,” Harry says quickly, standing up too. “What do you want?”

“Pizza’d be good,” Louis suggests.

“I can make pizza,” Harry agrees.

Louis rolls his eyes. “I meant we could _get_ some, knob. Don’t you know that part of being a famous pop star is that other people can make your food for you?”

Harry laughs. “Takeaway’s shit. No one beats my cooking.”

“I know,” Louis says, and the words catch in his throat because he does know.

Harry’s expression softens a little. “So is that all right then? Pizza, Styles style?”

“I don’t know, is it vegetarian or something?” Louis asks warily.

“No, but you know, eating broccoli once in a while won’t kill you,” Harry points out reasonably.

“What are you implying?” Louis asks, his eyes narrowed. “I don’t need to diet, thank you very much. You’re obviously not ready for this jelly.”

“Never said you did,” Harry says mildly.

“Yeah, whatever, Harold,” Louis says, flicking him on the ear. “I’m beautiful just the way I am.”

Harry studies him for a second, oddly serious. “Yeah, you – yeah,” he says finally, looking a little flustered. He turns away abruptly and heads for the door. “I’ll just pick up a few things, okay? I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Louis calls, and flops back down on Harry’s sofa, thinking vaguely, _I could get used to this. ___

So he does. Louis hangs out with Harry the next day, and the next. It becomes a regular thing – Louis comes over to Harry’s, they banter for a bit, play a little FIFA, and then Louis goes back to his hotel room or the tour bus. It’s nowhere near the closeness that they once had, but it feels like a start. Louis’ not sure why it’s happening now, and he’s not sure he wants the answer, either.

In the meantime, Zayn’s going off the walls. He’s desperate to get home, they can all see it, and so Louis takes him out to get his mind off things, which, in retrospect, isn’t the best idea. They get a little drunk and a little high, and Louis ends up sloppily kissing one of the girls they’re with before pulling away and telling her he’s not ready. She’s cool about the whole thing, totally understanding.

And then it hits the papers.

He doesn’t know how the paps got it, but they did, and there’s a picture of him and the girl splashed across _The Sun ___. The Internet blows up after that, until Louis, after giving an okay to the official statement about him and Eleanor, shuts down his laptop and wraps himself up in blankets to block everything out. He aches when he imagines Eleanor seeing that, or her mom. It’s an awful way for the news about the two of them to come out.

Worse, though, is the backlash Zayn is facing.

All he’d done was _talk ___to one of the bloody girls, but to every news site and their mother, Zayn’s a cheating bastard. When Perrie calls Zayn in tears – not because of the pictures, since she trusts him completely, but because of all the people telling her she needs to dump him on Twitter – Zayn spends the rest of the day in a moody snit before announcing, to general shock and anger, that he’s going home.

At first, contracts are pointed to and heads are shaken over and over, but Zayn manages to wrangle a weeklong break in touring, and before they know it, he’s actually gone and left. Everyone’s a bit stunned, Louis included, and they all gather for meetings and rehearsals to try and understand how to make the set work with just four.

At one point, while Liam and Niall are going over harmonies, Louis sidles up to Harry, who’s been oddly quiet the whole day, ever since the pictures of Louis and Zayn came out. “Penny for ‘em,” he says, reaching up to tap Harry’s head. He’s so bloody tall now.

Harry just frowns. Louis pokes him on the shoulder. He’s always been very tactile with Harry, touching him at every opportunity. “C’mon, Harold, unless the curls have seeped into your head and strangled your brain, you must have something on your mind.”

Harry’s lips twitch. “Strangled my brain?”

“It could happen, I’ve done research,” Louis says, nodding seriously.

Harry bites his lip. “It hasn’t yet.”

“Oh, yeah? Explain this outfit to me then.” Harry is wearing a shirt unbuttoned down to his navel, the tightest pair of pants Louis’ ever seen, and a leopard-print fedora. It’s ridiculous.

Just like that, the frown is back. “You don’t like how I dress?”

Louis blinks. “Well, I never _said ___that,” he hedges, wondering if he’s overstepped some line. He’d forgotten, just for a second, about the space between the two of them, the months of silence. Maybe teasing isn’t okay anymore.

Harry shoots him a glance. “It’s not cool enough for you,” he summarizes, his voice a little flat.

Louis opens his mouth and closes it. “I don’t – ”

“Like how my pizza isn’t, and my friends aren’t, and I’m not,” Harry continues, speaking unusually fast, for him.

Louis reels. “Harry, what the fuck?”

For a moment, the look on Harry’s face remains fierce, and then all of a sudden he deflates. He seems to shrink in on himself, refusing to meet Louis’ eye. “Never mind,” he says quietly.

Louis swallows and makes an aborted movement, unsure if he should touch Harry right now or not. He seems too volatile, too on edge. “Harry, where’s this coming from?”

Harry sighs and looks down at his shoes. “I just thought, I’m trying to be, I don’t know, a _lad_ , Louis, and I know you’d rather be with whoever because you think I’m some twatty hipster – ”

“Hey,” Louis interjects. “Harry, no.”

Harry remains silent, staring at his shoes like they’re the most fascinating things on earth.

“Harry, _no_ ,” Louis says again, and before he knows what he’s doing, he's reaching up to take Harry’s chin into his own hands. He isn’t rough, but Harry follows his touch, raising his head to look at Louis head on. 

“I like you for you,” Louis says seriously, and it’s cheesy, and he’s not sure what started this conversation, but he feels glad that he said it, like it’s tugging them closer despite the walls they’ve built up.

Harry searches his face for a bit. “Yeah?” he says finally.

Louis huffs. “How could I not?”

Harry doesn’t answer that. He just looks at him, his lips slightly parted. Louis realizes vaguely that he should let go of Harry’s chin, but he doesn’t.

There’s a loud cough behind them. “Uh, lads?” Niall says. Louis jerks back like he’s been burned to find Liam and Niall watching them curiously. “Right, let’s get on with it,” he says, not even knowing what they’re doing at the moment. He just needs a second to breathe.

He glances back at Harry, but Harry seems to have re-discovered his fascination with his own shoes, because he won’t look Louis in the eyes again.

 

____

Louis finds out Zayn’s quit when he’s with Harry.

____

They’re watching a movie on the TV in Louis’ hotel room when Louis’ phone rings. He sees Zayn’s number and presses ‘accept’ immediately, because he hasn’t seen him in what feels like forever. “Hey, man,” he says.

____

What he hears in response is a few seconds of breathy, wet silence, and then Zayn croaks, “I’m out, man. I got out. I’m done.”

____

At that moment, Niall bangs on Louis’ door. “ _Louis ___,” he shouts.

____

“Zayn, what – ”

____

“ _That fucking bag of dicks, Louis __– ”_

____

“I couldn’t do it, bro, I just, Perrie and I need – ” 

____

“ _He’s quit, Lou, he’s motherfucking_ – oh, hey, Harry – ” 

“Zayn, can you hold on for a sec?” Louis covers the phone with his hand. "What the _fuck_ ," he shouts at Niall, who’s appeared in his hotel doorway and is breathing heavily, flushed and angry.

Niall’s eyes widen when he sees Louis’ phone. “Is that Zayn? Oi, give it ‘ere, then,” he says, striding over and snatching Louis’ phone from his hand. “Zayn, if this is you and not whatever bird Louis’ got with him this week – ”

“So are we just making shit up now, or – ”

"– Then I’ll have you know that to do all of this without even _telling_ any of us – ” 

“Do _what ___?” Harry and Louis shout in unison.

Niall’s chest heaves as he listens to Zayn’s reply before rolling his eyes and chucking the phone at Louis. “Says some shit about following his heart. He’s quit. He’s left the band. He already made the decision.”

____

____There’s a stunned silence in the room, and then Liam bursts through the open door. When he sees everyone’s already there, he draws up short. “Oh. So you guys know, then?”_ _ _ _

____

 

____

______ _ _

____

To say that the world has a meltdown when the news breaks is a bit of an overstatement. It also feels completely true. The official press release they put out there is shit, drafted by publicists and dripping with goodwill totally absent from their hearts. Zayn isn’t talking to any of them. On the one hand, Louis understands that Zayn would want to be with Perrie, would want a life that’s not dominated by cameras and interviews and airplanes. Louis wants that, too. But on the other hand, there are rumors floating that Zayn’s left to pursue a solo career, and the rumors aren’t helped by the existence of Naughty Boy. All in all, the sense of betrayal is rife, and when Liam beckons them over one day to show them a stupid video about ‘Zaughty’ that Naughty Boy’s re-tweeted, Louis’ the one to speak up, because he’s always the first one to defend them.

____

______ _ _

____

____It escalates from there until Naughty Boy actually releases a track that is unmistakably Zayn’s. When that happens, Louis just shuts off his phone and covers his face with his hands, because it’s fine, it’s fine, Zayn can do what he wants, but he was his brother, and he’s not going to pretend this doesn’t hurt._ _ _ _

____

____Strong arms envelop him, and when he looks up, they belong to Harry. “It’s okay,” Harry murmurs into his hair. Niall claps him on the back, and Liam wraps his arms around his shoulders, and they stay like that for a few minutes, united, before breaking apart._ _ _ _

____

____Harry doesn’t leave, though, continuing to hold onto Louis. “You’re so tall,” Louis grumbles into his chest._ _ _ _

____

____Harry smiles at him, his eyes shining. “My little Lou,” he coos._ _ _ _

____

____Louis wriggles in his grip. “I’m perfectly sized,” he says haughtily. “I’m 5’9”, you know.”_ _ _ _

____

____Harry hums. “Of course you are, Louis,” he says, and Louis rolls his eyes and just lets him hug tighter._ _ _ _

____

 

____

______ _ _

____

Things lighten up a bit, even though Zayn’s gone. They’re practicing a lot, and they sound good despite the fact that there are only four of them. They also start the writing process, and it’s as great as Louis remembers.

____

______ _ _

____

____Louis has another spat with Naughty Boy, when Naughty Boy makes a swipe at Liam for a joke about replacing Zayn, and this time Zayn actually joins in. Louis can tell how Zayn’s feeling without talking to him, he _knows ___that he’s angry, but that doesn’t stop it hurting when he reads the words Zayn’s released to the world that are designed to hurt Louis and Louis alone. He doesn’t respond to that, but he does call Harry, who shows up with beer and FIFA and doesn’t mind when Louis is silent most of the night._ _ _ _

____

_____There are things to distract Louis, anyway. Louis’ friends from Doncaster come out with him, and they cajole him into hitting up parties and clubs that he normally wouldn’t go to, using the fact that he’s single now to persuade him._ _ _ _ _

____

_____So he goes out. He shouts at paparazzi when he gets too drunk, and he hits up random clubs to see if they give him any sort of buzz. He doesn’t do much in the way of girls; he’s naturally distrustful of anyone using him for his fame, and he doesn’t feel quite ready to jump into anything yet. Mostly he just bounces around to loud music and tries to dull the memory of Eleanor with shots of vodka._ _ _ _ _

____

_____It all goes to shit after their Late Late Show interview._ _ _ _ _

____

_____Most of it is fun, like shooting the dodge ball bit, since Louis hasn’t seen James in ages. But when they do the interview, it’s the first time Louis’ had to talk about the fact that he is now single, and even though the crowd whoops when James brings it up, Louis can’t help the slight sliver of discomfort he feels. And then James gestures to him and tells the audience he has no trouble getting women, he can feel himself tense up slightly, even as he laughs it off, because it’s so far from the truth._ _ _ _ _

____

_____After, they all go back to their hotel for a bit. Louis, Niall, and Harry all hang out in Louis’ room, while Liam fucks off to call Sophia. They’re disgustingly adorable, they really are._ _ _ _ _

____

_____“So, no trouble with girls, then,” Niall says to Louis at one point, raising his eyebrows._ _ _ _ _

____

_____“It’s not true,” Louis protests. He glances at Harry. His brow is furrowed at the ground._ _ _ _ _

____

_____Niall snorts. “Yeah, okay, mate. What are you doing out so late at night then, hmm?”_ _ _ _ _

____

_____“Do you think you’re over her?” Harry interrupts._ _ _ _ _

____

_____Louis and Niall both turn to him in surprise. Harry’s flushed red, but his gaze is locked on Louis._ _ _ _ _

____

_____Louis shrugs after a moment. “Not sure,” he says honestly._ _ _ _ _

____

_____“What happened?”_ _ _ _ _

____

_____It’s the second time Harry’s asked him, but he looks so intense now that Louis doesn’t think he can dismiss the question._ _ _ _ _

____

_____“We just…” Louis trails off and rubs his hand down his thigh, thinking. “It was never going to work,” he says at last._ _ _ _ _

____

_____Harry’s face is hard to read. “Really,” he says._ _ _ _ _

____

_____Louis nods, a bit uncomfortable. “We didn’t – like,” He looks down at his hands, not knowing how to express what he’s trying to say. “We didn’t fit. She wasn’t – she didn’t understand it, the touring, the paps, everything.” He picks at a thread on his jeans, then bursts out, “To be fair, though, who would?”_____

“Lou,” Niall says carefully, shifting over to sit next to him on the bed. He puts a hand on his shoulder.

Louis laughs bitterly. “I mean, who _is_ going to get it? Where am I going to find anyone who’s willing to put up with the touring, and the rumors and gossip mags and paps being everywhere, all the fucking time? Who’s going to understand all of that? Who’s going to accept me being away for months, and having to take security with me all the fucking time? I need – I need someone who understands it all, and who, I don’t know, doesn’t fucking mind that I smoke, and who won’t make me fucking _quit_ the band because I’m never with them otherwise, and there’s – there’s no one.” Louis’ horrified to find that tears are pricking his eyes, and he swipes at them angrily. He hadn’t meant to say all of that, hadn’t even realized that he was thinking it, but once it’s out, he realizes how real of a fear it is. It’s the kind of fear that lives so deep inside you that you don’t tell it to anyone, not even to yourself, because it’s just too scary to think about. “There’s no one like that,” he repeats, sniffing. 

“Hey, man, it’s all right,” Niall says quietly. He rubs a circle on his back. “If they don’t accept your life, then you don’t want ‘em, mate. There’ll be someone who will.”

____

_______Louis snuffles. “Yeah?” Christ, this is embarrassing._ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______“Yeah,” Niall says confidently. He pauses. “Would it help if I called Eleanor a cunt?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______Louis laughs at that, though it comes out a little watery. “She’s not, Niall.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______“Yeah, I know that, but I think it’d be healthy for you to hear.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______Louis turns to Harry to roll his eyes, but Harry’s gone. He looks around, confused. “Where’d Harry go?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______Niall shrugs. “He fucked off after your speech.” Niall cocks his head. “Looked proper weird, actually. Like, sad, almost.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______Louis’ stomach twists. He hadn’t considered that he wasn’t just saying relationships were hard for _him ___; he was spelling out the fact that they’re difficult for the other boys, too. He’d done it accidentally, but he suddenly felt like total shit. “Do you think I should go and apologize? I didn’t mean, like, none of you are going to find someone.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Niall scoffs. “Yeah, obviously, mate. We know that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“Why was he upset, then?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Niall shrugs again. “Who knows what goes on in that curly head of his?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

 

____

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

Louis has difficulty hunting down Harry, but he finds him eventually, hanging out with some people on the tech team for the Late Late Show who came back to their hotel with them. When Harry sees him, his face falls a bit, and he turns away slightly, focusing back on his conversation. Louis tries not to be hurt.

____

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“Hey, Harry,” Louis says, coming up to him, ignoring the once-overs he’s getting from the crew for interrupting. “Can we talk?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Harry keeps his gaze on the ground. “Yeah, okay,” he mutters, saluting the other guys before following Louis to a corner of the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Louis fidgets when they’re alone. He’s always been kind of shit at apologies. “Look, Harry, I just wanted to say, like, I didn’t mean you’re not going to be able to, you know, have a real relationship or something, just because of the whole, uh, famous thing. I just meant, you know, whatever. I just meant it about me, okay? There’s obviously gonna be people, like, for you. I mean, half the world’s in love with you,” he says, laughing a little and forcing himself to meet Harry’s gaze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________He instantly wishes he hadn’t. He’s shocked by how much pain he finds there. Harry makes a choked off noise when their eyes meet. “Louis – ” He breaks off and presses the heels of his hand to his eyes. He takes a deep breath. “I can’t do this again. I can’t,” he says, his face still shielded by his giant hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Louis blinks, bewildered. “Do… what?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Harry laughs at that, but it's hollow. He takes his hands away, and his eyes are red. “I can’t do this to myself again, Louis. I’m such an idiot. Please, God, Louis, please just leave me alone.” He backs away, and even through Louis’ shock, he finds himself concerned that Harry’s going to trip over his huge feet and go sprawling. “Please just don’t – don’t,” Harry says, and then he’s turned around and left the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

///

____

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

They don’t speak for the next few days.

____

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________They’re on a break from touring, so they don’t really need to, though they’re both still in LA. Harry spends his time with his regular crew, and Louis goes out with his friends and tries to forget the entire conversation. It’s a bit sad, he thinks, somewhere around his fourth shot, that he only ever drinks to forget._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________He’s plastered when he stumbles back home, and all he wants to do once he’s rid himself of his friends is have a shower, a quick wank, and then sleep. Once he’s there, he skips the shower part, shuffling onto his bed and jerking himself off quickly. He bites his lip through it, mind blank, for the most part._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Well, it’s blank until, for some reason, Harry’s face swims before him, all plush red lips and sharp green eyes, and Louis comes with a shout._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Afterwards, he lies in his bed, feeling confused and drunk and unsatisfied. He wipes his hand on a tissue and fumbles for his phone. It takes him a good ten minutes to find Eleanor’s number. It takes him another ten minutes to remember how to call it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Eleanor picks up. She sounds concerned. “Lou?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Somewhere in the back of his mind – the part that’s not doused in alcohol – Louis knows this is a very bad idea. “El,” he slurs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Eleanor sighs. “Louis, you’re drunk.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Louis shakes his head even though she can’t see. “No.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“No,” Louis says stubbornly. He dabs at the come on his stomach. Come’s so weird. “Just came.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“Jesus Christ.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“Not to that,” Louis giggles. He’s a giggly drunk tonight, apparently. “Came because – thought about Harry.” He giggles again. He can’t stop. “S’funny.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Louis passes out before he realizes she’s rung off at that. When he wakes up the next morning with dried come on his stomach and only a fuzzy memory of the night before, he decides that, for the good of mankind, nothing happened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

 

____

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

The Billboard Awards are the day after the Wanking Incident. The boys all meet beforehand at the house of one of their stylists. When Louis arrives, Harry’s the one who lets him in, probably because he didn’t realize Louis was the one knocking.

____

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Louis is checking his watch when the door opens. He looks up and meets Harry’s wide green eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Louis doesn’t think. He can’t even explain why he does it. What happens is, he sees Harry’s face, and the next thing he knows, he’s surged forward and connected their lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________At the first touch, it’s suddenly the only thing he wants to do ever again. The feel of Harry’s lips on his is amazing, just as soft and plump as they look, and the world is so clear for those three seconds, with Louis’ mouth pressed against his._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Then his brain catches up with him, and starts to scream._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Louis jerks away, cursing. Harry stares at him, his lips red, shock and confusion and some third element Louis can’t understand written all over his face. Louis pushes past him into the house. He doesn’t look back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

 

____

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

He ignores Harry for the rest of the night.

Harry keeps looking over at him, but Louis can’t respond. Thinking about the fact that he wanted to kiss Harry – that he _wants_ to kiss Harry, that he’s maybe always wanted to – makes him feel like curling up in a ball and crying. It’s like the last five years of his life have been built on a shaky stack of lies, and all the lies are starting to crumple. 

____

________So, like. Apparently, Larry is, in fact, _not ___the biggest load of bullshit he’s ever heard._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_________He’s in love with Harry. It’s so, so obvious, and when Louis looks back on the two of them, on their history, he squirms at just how clear it really was. It was there in the affection he couldn’t keep out of his eyes. It was there in the way his heart rabbited whenever he got close to him. It was there in his fierce and bitter jealousy over all Harry’s other friends._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_________And when he thinks about his relationship with Harry, he’s not sure he’s alone in the way he feels._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_________So naturally, his response is to avoid Harry. He doesn't talk to him during the interviews. He doesn’t sit with him, making Niall switch, which Niall does even while glancing between the two of them curiously. The second the show is over, he heads off to Taylor Swift’s party with his squad, just because he knows Harry won’t be there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_________When he wakes up in his hotel bed the next morning, hung-over and with a sour taste in his mouth, the first thing he thinks is, _I’m in love with Harry_. He shoves his face in his pillow and screams. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“Oi, you cunt,” comes Niall’s voice from somewhere to his right. Louis glances over blearily. Niall’s sprawled on the other side of his bed, looking tired and cranky. “The fuck’s that about?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________Louis remains frozen for a few seconds before the tension drops from his shoulders and he buries his head back in his pillow. Why should he hide it, after all? It’s going to be clear that something’s off with them, anyway, now that Louis knows. He’s not good at hiding what he’s thinking, and Niall’s like a dog with a bone – once he notices something’s up, he won’t let it go._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“I think I’m in love with Harry,” Louis says in a muffled voice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________When he doesn’t hear anything back for a good minute, Louis cracks one eye open._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________Niall’s gone._ _________

_________

____

Louis spends the next half hour pacing his hotel room, panicking. Niall left. Louis told him he’s in love with Harry, and Niall’s reaction was to get the fuck away from him. 

Possibly it’s this realization, the last in a string of startling and frightening ones, which sends him hurtling into the bathroom and emptying the contents of his stomach. Possibly it’s the hangover. _________

After Louis’ flushed the toilet and wiped his mouth, he slides down and sprawls on the floor with his back to the wall.

All in all, it’s maybe the worst time that Harry could knock on his door.

“Lou?” Harry says, hesitantly.

Louis stays quiet, trying to control his breathing. _Please go away. I love you. Go away._

“I know you’re in there,” Harry says. He sounds tense.

Louis can’t speak. He doesn’t know what to say.

There’s a sound like Harry is shuffling his feet. Damn, that’s endearing. “Niall said, he told me that you…” There’s a pause. “I’d really like to talk to you, Louis.”

Silence.

"Right," Harry says, and then there’s the sound of footsteps. He’s gone.

Louis thunks his head against the wall and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to will the world away.

It obviously doesn't work, because a couple minutes later, his phone trills. He crawls back into bed and checks the screen. Zayn.

____

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________Louis’ too exhausted to muster the energy to angrily decline. “Hey,” he croaks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“Lou?” Zayn sounds instantly worried, and it’s like the last few months haven’t happened. “You okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________Louis is quiet. “No.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________Zayn coughs. “I. Um. I just. I wanted to…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“Zayn,” Louis interrupts. “You don’t have to.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“Yeah?” Zayn says, sounding relieved._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________Louis knows it’s probably not a good idea to dismiss the fact that Zayn hurt him, massively, but his brain has turned into such a constant stream of HarryHarryHarry at this point that there’s no room for drama anymore. “Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________“Bro, what’s the matter? Is it Eleanor?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________Louis chokes out a laugh at that. “It’s not her.” _God. It never was_. __________

There’s just the sound of Zayn breathing for a bit. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

____

___________“I’m just.” He rubs his face tiredly. “I just realized how I feel about – about someone.” After being so honest with Niall, Louis isn’t sure he wants to reveal any more of himself than he has to. “And I’m worried it’s just going to fuck things up between us.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

___________“Louis,” Zayn says. He sounds sad, even though he doesn’t know what the problem is. “Just talk to Harry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

___________Well, fuck. “You – what?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

___________Zayn laughs, and it’s light and easy and a million miles from how Louis feels right now. “Lou, c’mon. We all know.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

___________That was possibly meant to make him feel better. “Yeah, well. I didn’t. And I didn’t realize that I had a fucking neon sign pinned to my chest that screamed 'I’m in love with my band mate', all right?”___________

Zayn quiets. “Harry’s got one of those signs, too,” he says finally, his voice soft.

____

____________Louis can’t help the joy that floods his chest at that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

/// 

____

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

When Harry opens his hotel room door, he looks like a wreck. His eyes are puffy, his hair is a scraggly mess, and he’s holding a tub of ice cream in his hands.

When he locks eyes with Harry, the fear wriggling in his stomach dissolves. It’s Harry. It’s his Harry.

____

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________Still, the ice cream can’t go unmentioned. “Bridget Jones much?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________It’s a joke, an attempt to diffuse the tension between them, but Harry’s face just crumples, and he moves to close the door. “Hey, no,” Louis says quickly, putting his hand up to stop it. He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Sorry I’m such a twat,” he says, and he knows it’s not enough of an apology for years of putting Harry through what he thinks he’s put him through, but it’ll have to do for now. “Can we talk?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________Harry wordlessly steps back to let him in. Louis perches on the bed and knocks his feet against the frame._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________“So,” he says, and then he makes the mistake of glancing up at Harry. He looks furious, his eyebrows drawn in tight and the tendons in his neck standing out. Louis recoils. “Haz?”____________

“Don’t fucking _Haz_ me,” Harry says, and it’s so rare for him to get really angry, but he looks proper pissed off now. “I can’t do this, Louis. I can’t do this. I can’t let myself – I can’t – ” He swallows jerkily and sweeps his hands out. “I’m in love with you, Lou, and you’re just fucking with my head. You’re always fucking with my head.” 

Louis doesn’t hear anything past _I’m in love with you_. “You’re in love with me,” he echoes. 

Harry fish mouths for a second. “You know that,” he says eventually, looking perplexed. “I thought – I thought that’s why you stopped talking to me. I thought you weren’t – that you didn’t – ”

____

______________Louis practically launches himself at Harry, desperate to correct him, shut him up. He shoves his mouth against his hungrily and fists his hands into his jacket, drawing him close. Harry tries to break away, but Louis doesn’t let him. “I do,” he breathes hotly against his chin before sealing their lips together again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________There’s a beat where Harry is completely immobile, and then he blazes into life. He pushes Louis up against the wall and bites down, hard, on Louis’ neck before sucking at the mark. “You don’t,” he whispers, even as he trails his lips down Louis’ throat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________“I do,” Louis just pants again. “I love you, Harry. Fuck. I love you. I love you so much.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Harry moans at that, actually fucking moans, and the sound goes straight to Louis’ dick. “Haz,” he hisses when Harry bites down against his collarbone. “Haz,” he groans when he mouths against the It is what it is tattoo. “Haz, please.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Harry raises his head blearily. His eyes are blown black, but there’s a tinge of fear in them, like he’s afraid Louis is going to ask him to stop even as his hands tighten against Louis’ waist. “Please what?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Louis’ eyes drop to his lips. He doesn’t know how to vocalize what he wants, so he just slides his hand over the curve of Harry’s clothed cock and squeezes at Harry’s sharp inhale._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________He’s not expecting Harry to tense and take a step back. “Louis,” he says._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Louis just licks his lips, eyes trained on Harry’s dick._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Harry makes a strangled sound and turns his back to him abruptly. “I can’t make decisions when you look like that,” he says. “You don’t really want this.” Harry’s voice trembles at that, like he’s trying not to break down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Louis steps forward, wrapping his arm around Harry’s back and pulling him close because, shit. “I do,” he whispers in Harry’s ear. He would normally hate the fact that he has to stand on tiptoe to do it, but it feels right when they’re like this, like the two of them fit. The thought makes him even harder. “I love you, and I want you. I know that I – I just didn’t understand what it was, Harry. But I love you. I promise.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Harry remains still. Louis rests his check against his shoulders and closes his eyes, breathing him in. He knows they have so much to talk about, years of history between them to rewrite, but Harry doesn’t believe him, and that’s a problem. “I’m so sorry, Harry,” he says softly, pressing a kiss to the back of Harry’s neck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________“I was getting over you,” Harry says, sounding like he’s suppressing a sob._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________“You had years to do that, love,” Louis says gently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Harry laughs, wetly. “I couldn’t,” he admits quietly, after a moment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________He turns around and cups Louis’ face in his hand. His eyes scan his, and they shine with something like wonder. “Christ, Lou,” he says, almost reverently. “You’re so beautiful.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Louis flushes and leans into Harry’s touch. “Right back at you, Styles,” he murmurs into his palm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________When their lips meet again, it’s gentler than before. This feels sweet, and so, so real. Harry licks into his mouth tentatively, and Louis moans, sliding his legs open. When Harry doesn’t take the hint, Louis fumbles for his hand and moves it towards his crotch._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Harry chuckles against his mouth. “So eager, love,” he says, and the affection in his voice makes Louis feel weak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________“Definitely,” Louis murmurs, peppering kisses all over his cheek, his chin, his nose._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Harry draws back and buries his head in Louis’ neck. “I don’t want to fuck you,” he says. Louis squawks indignantly, and Harry laughs. “Not yet, I mean,” he amends, his pillow lips nibbling at Louis’ ear. “I do, eventually, always have done. But,” he raises his head to lock eyes with Louis, “I don’t want to do anything we aren’t ready for yet.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Louis bites his lip, and Harry’s eyes track the motion. “But we will? Soon?” He doesn’t even care how desperate he sounds._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Harry grins wide and snakes his hand inside Louis’ boxers, which Louis takes as a yes. When his impossibly long fingers wrap around Louis’ cock, already slippery with pre-come, Louis visibly shudders, and Harry’s eyes darken. He starts moving his hand up and down, and Louis’ breath catches. “You feel so good, Lou,” he groans, tipping his head forward, his hair falling into his eyes. He moves his hand faster and faster over Louis’ cock, smearing pre-come all over. Louis pants against his mouth. “Got so much I want to do to you. Fuck.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Louis groans in response and tightens his grip on Harry’s arm. When he starts to feel the familiar tightening in his stomach, he breathes the words against Harry’s neck, and Harry abruptly draws his hand away. Before Louis can protest, Harry drops to his knees, shoves down Louis’ pants, and takes him deep in his throat in one go._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Louis keens and grips Harry’s hair, struggling not to buck up into Harry’s mouth. “Harry, fuck, fuck, Harry,” he chants. “You’re so fucking good at this, oh my God, fuck.”_ _____________

Harry blinks up at him, eyes watery, and pulls off Louis’ cock with a filthy slurp. “You look gorgeous,” he says hoarsely, and Louis shivers at the thought that he’s the reason Harry’s voice is rough. Harry grins and slides his mouth back over Louis’ cock, lapping at the pre-come there. He flattens his tongue on the underside and starts moving his head back and forth. The wet, tight feeling around Louis’ cock is too good for him to last all that long, and when he gasps out, “Close,” Harry just makes a noise of approval and sinks down lower. Louis moans out loud. He feels Harry’s throat clench around him when he starts to come, and it’s like it goes on forever, Louis shuddering over Harry and gasping _I love you, I love you, I love you_ into his hair. 

When it’s over, Harry suckles the last bits of come from Louis’ cock and pulls off with a pop. “Thanks,” he says breezily, or as breezy as someone who’s just swallowed a load of come can sound.

____

_______________Louis makes a strangled noise and drops down to Harry’s level, kissing him fiercely. He can still taste himself on Harry’s tongue, fuck. He shoves his hand down Harry’s pants, and, Christ. Objectively, Louis knew Harry would have a huge cock, but assuming that and feeling it are two different things entirely._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______________Harry’s gasp when Louis starts moving his hand up and down is encouraging, though, so Louis keeps at it, rubbing up and down the shaft and twisting his hand at the head. Louis is so fascinated by Harry’s hot panting against his skin that he almost doesn’t hear him grit out a warning. Louis wanks him furiously through it, exactly the way he likes it himself, sucking love bits onto his neck while Harry releases into his hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______________When Harry’s finished, he flops back and lets out a little laugh. “Lou, that was – ” He raises his head, but stops abruptly when he sees Louis sucking the come off his fingers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______________“You taste good,” Louis mumbles. He does._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______________Harry makes a weird noise and surges forward to kiss Louis on the mouth. “You,” he pants, “are a fucking dream.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______________Louis smiles wide against his lips. He still remembers all the reasons he was scared, still remembers all the things they need to talk about, but he’s got Harry in his arms now, and it feels a little bit like it’s gonna be a good day._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my fic!
> 
> Also, big thanks to https://twitter.com/louis1dupdates for helping me put together the boys' timeline - some of it might be off, but it's compliant for the most part!


End file.
